Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize