Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
