Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
