when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
