Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
