Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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