I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
