Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
My boob is missing a layer of skin
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
