I accidentally had phone sex last night
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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