I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
