Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
