I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize