Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
