What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
