we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
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Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
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We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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