Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
