Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
