So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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