Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
