I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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