We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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