somebody snuck up and got me drunk
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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