I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
