He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
