this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
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