My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
