after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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