She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
