her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
