Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
we're making bets on your personal life
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
