so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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