u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Slut skills are useful in every country.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
