Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
