dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
