I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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