I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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