Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
