Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
