I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I am available for nakedness
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
