uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
