omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
tonight lets celebrate not being married
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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