I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
