they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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