Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
