chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
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