Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Also, beer. Big fan.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
