im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
