I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Drunk is not a location!
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
