dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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