I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
is it fun? or sober?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
