Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
