is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
