I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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