you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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