the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize