if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
