who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
