Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
It's blow job season.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Randomize
