he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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