The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
