im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Randomize
