K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
