good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I look better un-naked...
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
