who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
