I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
