she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
