I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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