Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
