All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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