best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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